#IM JUST THINKING ALOUD

[achillesisnotcomingdown]

I think one of my issues regarding replying to ppl fast enough is due to the fact that i grew up very chronically online and so bored that i was constantly waiting for ppl to talk/reply to me. For some time i would always reply in seconds to ppl who took hours/days to reply to me, which made me feel silly (to say it nicely)

I made some mental rules. Like, if someone takes >1day to anwser then i should wait at least 1-2h so i dont look too desperate for their company. Also i cant reply right away, except if its a convo going as smooth as a pingpong match, i need to wait at least 1mn to make it look like i have other things to do with my life...

Im realizing that ive kept some of these habits. When i get asks/comments/rb/messages i feel like i shall not reply right away, even if i want to. Sometimes i write down the answer in my notes, and tell myself ill send it later.

BUT the issue then is that i have seen the message, i have made an answer (in my head or my notes), and now i just have to wait before sending it... And very often i forget, it slips out of my mind and i spend days before I remember

[wayradwheelie]

I've completely run out of soup this is horrible news

[non-un-topo]

// health complaints / new years thoughts

GERD has made the holidays very challenging this year. I'm trying to take it seriously now, since I'm tired of being in constant pain and discomfort, and now that I know my enamel and my esophagus have sustained some damage. I'm twenty-fucking-six. Also haven't taken any painkillers (OTC) since I was diagnosed, because those are what caused this. So I'm just always in pain in multiple places in my body. That and the exhaustion and weakness.

We're having meatballs with rigatoni tonight, and I am so psyched about it but I can't touch them unless I want my insides to burn all night. I'm already really pushing it by planning to drink tonight.

I'm just excited to graduate so I can finally, finally prioritize my health and start getting strong. Can't do university and health at the same time. Can't do university and anything at the same time, really.

I've been stewing in a deep depression that's bouncing between anger and apathy for a while... I don't know how long. Can't remember. A day of feeling depressed feels like six months. Dysphoria is my prime suspect, since it's decided to become much worse than I ever imagined for myself. I'm just tired and my brain is empty and I feel like I don't care about anything. Wish I could turn these feelings into another stupidly long fic, but I hate everything I create lately.

Wish I had something optimistic to say, but I'm hoping the new year will run its course calmly, and that each of us will stick around on this rock. I'll either be on T by this time next year, or I'll have chickened out again.

Better news? I'm going to a disco tonight.

[elegyofthemoon]

i wonder if anyone's discussed the buddha statues and their representations of the days of the week and their general meaning yet or am i going to have to do that

[lucabyte]

even dogs pass the mirror test

[goosologist]

(How weird! To be noticed, and known!)

[bethiewhimsy]

i think the saddest part about the husk shaking from fear because of alastor scene is that he never seemed afraid of him until now. he felt comfortable enough to talk to him, to offer advice and even to bite back when alastor started picking on him. there’s scenes in which they tease each other. husk knows a lot about alastor that nobody else (not even the audience) knows, whether he was purposefully trusted with this information or not, neither seem threatened by it. before that, husk simply seemed regretful to be indebted to him, like alastor was just a burden to bear. i think that’s why his reaction to alastor in that scene was so intense. alastor had perhaps never treated him so harshly before. and that scared the shit out of him. and probably felt akin to some sort of betrayal or something. like being reminded of the awful truth (that alastor OWNS him, that he COULD kill him, that he’d be happy to)

[emoboybrony]

Ive started seeing people who are still mad about Garmau and Laurmau not being canon, which-

First of all, that was petty fandom bullshit from 10 years ago from when we were children, most of us are in our twenties now. Grow up and learn what fanon is, your life will be so much easier i swear.

Second of all, its reignited old arguments about Aarmau being toxic and problematic, mostly due to PDH.

Now im not gonna argue with that, you are correct that the way that was written was incredibly strange and uncomfortable.

However, i will argue with the idea that garmau and laurmau are less toxic and problematic.

Men bothering and belittling a woman for romantic and sexual attention, and flying into a violent blood rage at the mere implication she may not be intrested or be with someone else, is a misogynistic trope. Do you know that? Its important to me that you know that.

We should criticise Jess's writing (media literacy is good!!) But if you gonna make such a huge stink about certain aspects, you cant then just ignore the other aspects you liked at the time.

[commanderfreddy]

honestly i feel like very-early-in-the-assignment Brusty is one of the most interesting times in their relationship because we know rusty was Weird With It right out the gate, cracking jokes about getting Brock pregnant when he was still onboarding him to the compound, meanwhile Brock was having to very suddenly switch gears from "active combatant licensed to kill" to "dad of two children under a year old".

honestly Brock's mental state in that time had to be fucking bonkers. we know from how hard it was for Myra that Rusty was already Constantly Under Attack so Brock had to be juggling all that, getting know this fucking compound he now has to defend and manage like a fucking commandant, PARENTING THE TWINS, and also all the extremely unethical science Rusty was making him complicit in. and this is RIGHT AFTER he watched Billy get severely injured in a botched mission that was Brock (and Hunter)'s own fault. also they sent his mum to Guam and didn't let him say goodbye.

i think he let rusty hit out of sheer confusion. full "this may as well happen" mode.

[altschmerzes]

i need to stop shadowboxing the concept of romance when i write. i need to make my brain go to a world where romance doesn’t exist when i write because feeling its constant presence and people’s expectations of its presence and reading in of its presence is making me a worse writer.

like. thinking a lot about that post that’s going around rn about Books That Are Clearly Afraid Of The Reader. been thinking about how fear of being interpreted or perceived or whatever permeates a Lot of what i do and always has, creatively, and frankly compromises it, especially in terms of fear of people reading romance into my stuff because of how much i write about interpersonal relationships and intimacy and reliance and vulnerability and intense emotional situations.

i need to stop trying to build a boat with my main priority being ‘i dont want people to insist to me that this is a car or make people feel tricked into seeing a car etc etc’ when there is actually no part of this boat that needs to be made with cars in mind at all i could just Build The Damn Boat. this metaphor got lost.

point is i need to stop letting romance take up space in my stories at all. even if it's just as something i'm doing backflips over and around. i need to just start writing about platonic relationships - friendships, queerplatonic relationships, familial relationships, etc - without feeling like i need to first disprove romance as an automated and inherent assumption. romance should have no quarter here, even in feeling forced to deny it.

[erbiumspectrum]

11 March 2024

I was surprised that my solutions didn't crystallize over the past week to which my thesis supervisor said lightheartedly that it's normal and that he once waited for something to crystallize for THREE YEARS. I hope my solutions know I need to graduate some day.

[babyprime]

hey guys when we make fun of elon musk can we just stick to him being a bigoted and deeply unpleasant little villainous creep instead of like. actual autism symptoms. we really have SO much material to work with, you don't have to throw us normal disabled ppl under the bus by making fun of how he moves. you REALLY, really don't have to.

[littlepikmins]

It's crazy to me that if TimKon had happened and Meghan Fitzmartin had written it, the plot very likely would have still brushed Steph aside. And I could see the fandom ship wars over this being absolutely insane because TimKon and TimSteph were both already well-known popular ships for Tim.

[a-big-chicken-nerd]

its so crazy that aspheera not only knew about the never realm, but had a staff that specifically was for banishing people to it?? like its this realm that nobody in the entire world has ever even heard of and even wu knows basically nothing about it besides it being a place you more than likely will never come back from . and aspheera just has a staff for it????

i know its also just like a general sorcery staff but seeing as pixal was able to use it to send the ninja to the never realm without any knowledge on spells OR the never realm so it kind of seems like that was . its main purpose??

like aspheera WAS training to be a sorceress working directly for the king so maybe the serpentine used to just do that back then.... send all their bad guys to the scary faraway realm that was too cold for snakes to survive in LOL idk. kind of like the way humans were banishing people to the cursed realm

[streetcorner-2inthemorning]

Thinking about how in season 2, the Doctor asked Rose "How long are you going to stay with me?" He could have asked her that in so many ways. "How long do you want to travel with me?" "When do you want to go home?" But he chose those words specifically. And Rose could have answered in just as many ways. "As long as I live." "As long as you'll have me." But instead she said one word. "Forever."

And the sad thing is that her answer was truer than any other answer she could have given. Because whether she realized it or not she wasn't saying how long they would be together. She was telling him how long she would be with him. As a memory, as a ghost, in his hearts. No matter who the Doctor is or how old they get, somewhere deep inside their soul, Rose will remain. Forever.

[medi-melancholy]

i could write a whole retrospective on the original drawn to life duology, and especially how it personally impacted me a young artist and gamer, but mostly rn at 5am i'm just reminiscing on how it is one of very very very very few media i've seen successfully pull off the specific type of ending that it did, and also that, like thousands of people have also said before me, how in the fuck did they get away with the emotional gutpunch shit that they did with an E rating

i was 9 when next chapter came out + when i first played it and i was dealing with the crisis that is "death of a close family member for the first time, ever, as a child" at the time, and this lil game somehow helped me process everything and reach catharsis in ways i would Not have been able to otherwise. like. goddamn

it was like, such unexpected levels of fucks-you-up-emotionally in a kids game of all places that it wrapped all the way around from 'mentally scarring' to 'mentally healing'. like it hit one extreme and then broke its way back to the opposite end. idk how else to describe it, it like, left a permanent mark from a negative emotional place, but the resulting mark itself is a positive, if weary and numb-feeling sort of one

as i get older i'm still processing that this game delivered a pile of existential (and religious!) quandaries to elementary schoolers all over the world, in such an unsuspecting and engaging package--but at the time, as a kid, all i knew was that seeing this one painted cg with agonizing, beautiful music playing over it would be something that'd be etched into my mind forever afterwords

sure enough, seeing it 15 years later still makes my breath hitch and my chest heavy, and my head crammed full of thoughts. how the fuck did they pull this off. how did they make a game so real and matter-of-fact yet oddly warm and comforting in its display of the cruelties of life that the final punch had to even be censored out eventually

this is a series where you can ms paint bucket tool your way to victory and it does All This. what the fuck man